"Statement Enclosed"?

Ok, Arbor Day Foundation, the jig is up. I know that when you send me a piece of mail, it is not a bill. I don't have an Arbor Day Foundation credit card or car loan. So, if you REALLY want me to open your mail, you might just try writing "Please open this letter!" in sweet script on the envelope instead of "Statement Enclosed" in all cap, sans-serif type. Because there is NO reason that the Arbor Day Foundation would be sending me a statement, and I know it. You're not fooling anyone with this transparent ploy.

The funny thing is, it's probably someone like myself at the Arbor Day Foundation that came up with this weak scheme. But, really. You guys can do better.