Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Chuck Norris jokes

Saw a link to this site on another blog, and I had to re-post it. Here are some of my favorites:

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
3. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
7. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry; the man ate an Indian.
8. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
9. Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
10. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
11. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
13. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
14. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
15. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.


Amanda Wells said...

Love it!

arr-jay said...

I looooove Chuck Norris jokes, and heard on the radio today that a bakery in Bejing (? - I may have the location incorrect) kept being robbed, so they put up a lifesized Chuck Norris poster with a sign reading, "This business is protected by Chuck Norris."

They haven't been robbed since!

arr-jay said...

Croatia. I just fact-checked. How did I get Bejing?!

Anyway, the story is here:

Nicole Bradshaw said...

arr-jay - That is hilarious! I couldn't get the original link tow ork, but I found the story here:,23739,25441767-5013016,00.html